I've been divorced a couple years now... but the roller coaster isn't easy to stop. It had many years of momentum built up. Over 25... that's a lot of hills and screaming blind turns and g-forces that make your hair stand on end...
and whiplash.
It gets better as time heals and truth finds its way into the lives of those affected. Kids hurt in their innocence. If they know they are loved unconditionally... their hearts mend in a way they will beat to the rhythm of a better life. All kids want their parents back together. I don't care how old they are. They want wholeness. Unbroken lives. But in their perception of life... they can't always see that they were protected so well, they didn't see the pain and suffering that was causing a slow death in someone they love...
Divorce is hell. Torment. Pain. It tears and rips at the core of our hearts.
It's hard to breathe in the fog of it's initial confrontation. When I opened the door to that confrontation... and said, "No more"... all hell broke loose. It doesn't matter who you are... nothing can prepare you for the impact of being brave enough to open the door. What's on the other side is paralyzing at first...
It takes bravery to remove yourself from chaos and harm and hurt and pain.... and many times, abuse. The bravery isn't in staying in the destruction, but moving out of it to make a better life for those you love ....and for yourself.
I never would have made it without the love and support of my friends who helped me through it....
Other things that happened along the way of my journey out were incomprehensible. But I can say I survived the valley of the shadow of death...
It's dark in there....especially when you first enter and your eyes haven't adjusted to the light. It's cold and lonely and terrifying... and you can't see the light on the other side.
We weren't made to go it alone. Alone doesn't apply to any walk of life, not in the military, not in the workforce, not in family life....
We dont' always get to be the one with the flashlight... sometimes we have to hold on to and trust someone to hold it for us until we get to the other side..... and begin to see a new day of hope.
There is hope. If you hurt... don't let go of that. Hold on. The dawn is coming...
And it will be a brilliant Easter sunrise. I know. I've seen it.
3 comments:
I hope your 'flashlight holder' shows up for good real soon. That is a pretty big desert out there to face alone, and you have done a great job so far, but...
Wrexie:
Marvelous post (and pictures)...been down that street, too.
The sheer FEAR involved is sometimes beyond words.
And I often feel we have a higher authority working WITH us through most of it (thankfully).
Stay safe out there.
Thanks, Bob. I think too many of us have been down that dark, scary road.
God did see me through, and still is. But some days I really question why the mean people seem to have it so much easier. Ya know what I mean?
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